Kate’s Story
Carl
[10.09.2021] So it began with Carl leaving the house after the school run, about 10 am ish. I knew instantly something was wrong. He said he was away for a walk however I knew this wasn’t right. I attempted to contact Carl several times and got through at the beginning, I got a response until around 10.15 am then the phone was switched off. I called my family for advice I was stressed out, and I knew something was wrong. My family tried to support me as best they could by trying to reassure me Carl was out with friends or maybe down at the pub however this wasn’t settling my thoughts. I called Northumbria police around 4 pm and reported Carl missing. The police attended my address took statements and began looking for Carl, we posted a Facebook missing post for Carl which was shared over 3 thousand times with no word. By Saturday morning I knew within myself something was majorly wrong, I had not heard anything nor had anyone seen him. The police were a huge present in my house while the search was in progress.
My sister arrived from Glasgow on that Saturday afternoon and to be honest, Saturday evening was a blur My sister sent me to bed on Sunday around 9 am. Around 10 am my sister answered the door, it was 2 family liaison officers from Northumberland police, they wanted to check over iPads and computers for any left notes and checked search engine history, however halfway through this check the male officer left the house. On return my mum and stepdad arrived to support me and the kids, this is when the male officer came into the kitchen and told my sister that she had to wake me up. My sister came and got me from my bed however this full part is a blur. I sat down and the police officer began to tell me that Carl had been found and sadly it wasn’t good news
Next thing you know there are no police officers.. just a call to identify his body the next day.. this was quite a scary thing to do as I’d never seen a dead body before let alone my soulmates. I was petrified and frantic and refused medical assistance for myself as I just wanted to be home with my children. My house was so busy and my phone was like a hotline, then the police spent 2 days searched my property numerous times and found nothing.. As soon as the police left this was the last I heard from them, other than to let me know what morgue he was moved to and when he’ll be released to the funeral parlour so I could make funeral plans. I received a Leaflet through the door for suicide bereavement with some contact numbers and advice on how to cope. This was the only support I received. If it wasn’t for my friends and family I wouldn’t have been able to cope. I was frozen to the core. Every day waking up and for a split second, you don’t remember then it hits you. I longed to talk to someone who has been through a similar thing just to vent and talk to someone who understands.
The school were good but found I couldn’t physically let the words out my mouth as it was too heartbreaking to speak. Once the funeral was out of the way all the messages and the calls stopped and you are left alone with your own thoughts and your own demons trying to keep it all together for your kids.. you are just left and you feel so alone. But that day is as raw as if it happened yesterday. I am so glad I found this group. Billy’s lifeline sounds like something I needed when it was all happening. To meet someone with a similar story it feels like I can breathe again.
Carl left 6 children behind.. a loving girlfriend and a family who adored him. I’ve never once felt angry towards him.. but maybe that’s still to come. But for now, I am proud of him. He is no longer hurting he’s no longer fighting with his mind. I really hope he’s somewhere having an absolute ball.